Biblical formula for choosing spouse offers lessons that modern dating overlooks

Maybe this is the astir important question we volition person from our children and grandchildren: "How bash I cognize that helium (or she) is the one?" 

The Bible – our large guidebook – has the answer. 

In Genesis 24, Abraham sends his servant Eliezer to find a woman for his lad Isaac. 

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His lone instruction? Go to Haran, the spot wherever Abraham erstwhile "made souls." (See the video astatine the apical of this article.) 

It was a civilization unfastened to God. That’s trait No. 1. Look for a spouse successful a bully place.   

"Identify a fewer indispensable traits. Get married. Become a spouse done continual acts of giving," writes the writer of "God Was Right."  (Getty images/iStock)

Eliezer arrives and sees Rebecca. She’s "very just to look upon" — that’s trait No. 2. 

Then helium watches her gully h2o not conscionable for him, but for each his camels — an exhausting and generous act. That’s trait No. 3: generosity. 

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On the ground of these 3 — and lone 3 — characteristics, Eliezer decides: She’s the one.

Rebecca, successful turn, is told lone 2 things astir Isaac. 

"The Torah gives america an instructive sequence: ‘Isaac joined her. She became his wife. And helium loved her.’"

He’s wealthy, which means helium tin provide. And helium loves God, which means helium has a beardown acceptable of values. 

She agrees to wed him.

Then the Torah gives america an instructive sequence: "Isaac joined her. She became his wife. And helium loved her."

"The Bible offers a proven formula" for advising children and grandchildren astir creating a blessed marriage, says writer Mark Gerson.  (iStock)

As Isaac and Rebecca had the champion matrimony successful the Bible, their look for marital happiness is worthy of our reflection.

Identify a fewer indispensable traits. Get married. Become a spouse done continual acts of giving. Then emotion volition travel and continually grow. 

"We don’t springiness to those we love; we emotion those to whom we give."

The Hebrew connection supports this. The basal of ahava — emotion — is hav, meaning "to give." 

Those of america who person enjoyed oregon adjacent conscionable observed long, blessed and loving relationships cognize why: We don’t springiness to those we love; we emotion those to whom we give. 

We don’t "fall successful love." We cultivate it. 

"Maybe this is the astir important question we volition person from our children and grandchildren: ‘How bash I cognize that helium (or she) is the one?’"  (iStock)

Modern civilization says the opposite. 

Waiting until property 30 to wed and person children, for example, increases infertility risks, some for women and men, to varying extents. 

Casual dating often leads to casual sex, which is truthful unsatisfying that we are present successful what sociologists telephone a "sexual recession," successful which young men similar video games (particularly caller releases) to sex. 

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Repeated rejection causes long-term affectional wear that the assemblage recognizes arsenic carnal pain. 

In the exemplary cited earlier, radical "test" compatibility for years. A 2016 Barna survey recovered that 84% of couples who unrecorded unneurotic earlier matrimony bash truthful to cheque for compatibility. 

Mark Gerson, writer of "God Was Right," says, "When it comes to advising our children and grandchildren astir a blessed marriage, the Bible offers the now-proven formula." (Fox News Digital)

And yet, according to the Institute for Family Studies, the No. 1 crushed for divorce? "Basic incompatibility." 

When it comes to advising our children and grandchildren astir a blessed marriage, the Bible offers the now-proven formula. 

Throw retired the 100-item checklists. 

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It doesn’t substance if the young pistillate prefers warm-weather vacations implicit cold-weather vacations. 

It doesn’t substance if the young man’s friends are funny.  

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If the mates has a instauration for love, which tin beryllium recovered successful 2 oregon 3 halfway characteristics, they mightiness deliberation astir getting those religion bells acceptable to ringing — arsenic they are acceptable for a fantastic marriage. 

Mark Gerson's caller publication is "God Was Right: How Modern Social Science Proves the Torah Is True," published by BenBella Books and distributed by Simon & Schuster (June 2025). This nonfiction is portion of a bid featured exclusively by Fox News Digital.