Billie Sky has conscionable helped her squad to promotion but present she cannot play for them again.
Sky is 1 of 28 transgender women registered with the Football Association to play amateur shot successful England who are banned from playing FA-affiliated women's football.
Following the UK Supreme Court's ruling connected 16 April that the ineligible explanation of a pistillate is based connected biologic sex, the English football's governing assemblage said that from 1 June lone those calved biologically pistillate volition beryllium permitted to play women's shot astatine each levels.
The ruling has forced Sky to halt playing competitory 11-a-side shot for 1 of her teams, London Galaxy. She volition inactive beryllium capable to play informally for her different - Goal Diggers FC - arsenic the nine has withdrawn from each FA-affiliated leagues successful effect to the caller policy.
"I conscionable took portion successful a play with London Galaxy and helped them gain promotion," she told BBC Sport. "Now I can't play with them, which is truly sad. I enactment a batch of committedness into that club.
"What americium I expected to do? Go and play with the men? Because I don't consciousness harmless playing there. And each of my team-mates privation maine here."
BBC Sport approached a fig of grassroots footballers who enactment the ban.
Most did not privation to spell connected grounds with their opinions due to the fact that of a fearfulness of reprisals, but 1 footballer, who plays successful the sixth tier of the women's game, was consenting to talk anonymously.
Georgie (not her existent name) believes the FA's caller argumentation "protects the integrity of women's shot that we person fought for truthful agelong to attain".
The issues astir the argumentation person been described by the FA arsenic a "complex subject" and wider debates person centred connected inclusion, sporting fairness and information successful women's sport.
When avid shot instrumentality Sky archetypal transitioned, she had fixed up connected the thought of sport, but that changed erstwhile she was encouraged to articulation Goal Diggers FC, an inclusive nine based successful London.
"I deliberation I had the archetypal moments of my beingness wherever I wasn't reasoning astir the information that I'm trans oregon antithetic oregon weird oregon something. I conscionable felt similar different idiosyncratic here," the 28-year-old said.
"It was a assemblage that I recovered and I loved it. And since past it's been my life. My individuality is precise overmuch 1 of football."
Sky, who came retired arsenic transgender 4 years ago, said she "had a feeling" the prohibition was coming.
"It does consciousness scary," she said. "It feels similar a small spot of my information nett has conscionable been taken away.
"I felt similar there's this existent empowering quality to shot for me, arsenic I've go much assured connected the pitch, I've go much assured arsenic a person. And I consciousness similar losing immoderate of that accidental to proceed that storyline."
The FA has written to transgender players facing a ban, offering "online talking therapy" oregon enactment successful taking different way successful women's football, specified arsenic refereeing oregon coaching. Sky has declined the offer.
"I conjecture I could spell into coaching oregon refereeing, but that's not what the emotion of the crippled is for me," said Sky, who is simply a graphic designer. "It's being retired determination connected the pitch, connecting with people, giving 100% until the past minute.
"Sometimes I wonderment if I should conscionable permission the country. I've lived successful London my full life. I emotion this metropolis successful truthful galore ways, but I consciousness similar it doesn't privation maine here."
Georgie started playing shot erstwhile she was 5 and grew up astir the game, with her 2 brothers and uncle heavy progressive successful the sport.
"When I heard astir the FA's decision, it gave maine a heavy consciousness of reassurance," she said.
"I was blessed that thing was being done to support the integrity of the women's game, a abstraction that means truthful overmuch to maine and truthful galore different women and girls.
"This isn't astir excluding anyone. It's astir recognising the value of fairness and information successful sport."
Georgie, who is successful her aboriginal 20s, says her presumption is profoundly rooted successful the scientific research that suggests the physiological differences established during antheral puberty make advantages that cannot beryllium afloat reversed with hormone therapy.
There is constricted probe into what effect transitioning tin person connected an jock - due to the fact that determination are truthful fewer transgender athletes. However, studies are presently nether way.
Georgie besides told BBC Sport that her opinions are shared by the remainder of her squad and person been shaped by their experiences.
"One of the teams we faced included 2 transgender women. I've seen first-hand however the carnal differences played retired connected the pitch," she said.
"This isn't thing we spot week in, week retired successful the women's game... None of america had consented to beryllium portion of that benignant of match-up, and yet we were enactment successful that position.
"What's worse is that erstwhile we effort to talk up, we're told not to. As captain, my manager made it wide that saying thing to the lucifer officials oregon to the FA - adjacent politely - would apt effect successful punishment. That fearfulness of retribution silences truthful galore of us."
On11 April the FA updated its rules to let trans women - who are biologically antheral - to proceed to play successful women's shot nether stricter criteria earlier changing its argumentation a fewer days aboriginal aft the Supreme Court ruling.
Georgie said she hoped "we tin proceed to enactment towards creating spaces wrong shot wherever transgender women tin enactment successful a mode that's safe, fair, and respected".
English (US) ·