Man City star says 'rehab saved my life' as he details drink and drug hell

The Blues star has spoken about spiralling into drink and drugs and financial difficulties, before a fellow Man City legend reached out to help. He has spoken out in the hope it can give strength to others.

Former Manchester City star Kevin Horlock says rehab has saved his life - after sharing his struggles with alcohol and drug addiction for the first time. Kevin said he suffered "dark, dark days" in the years after his playing days were over, and credits fellow ex-City star Jeff Whitley with getting him to address his demons.

Kevin made 206 appearances for the Blues from 1997 to 2003, with career highlights including scoring in the 1999 play-off final at Wembley which would see the team heading back into the First Division. He went on to play for West Ham, Ipswich Town and Doncaster Rovers, before moving into coaching.

Kevin, 53, has now appeared on the new Woody Unscripted podcast, hosted by Man City superfan Michael "Woody" Wood. He talked for the first time about battling alcohol problems, losing all his money, and eventually going to rehab thanks to the help of fellow ex-City star Jeff Whitley.

Kevin has now been sober for over 18 months, and says he feels able to talk about his experience to give "strength to help other people". Kevin is now the manager of Isthmian League club Maldon & Tiptree.

He says of his addictions in the podcast: "It was a dark, dark place I went to, but by being honest, if it can help one person, then I'm happy with that."

Podcast host Woody has tackled his own alcohol and drug addictions after years spent partying on the city's showbiz and football scene, but now helps others with addictions after 22 years sober. His latest podcast episode is titled "From Chaos to Recovery: His Wildest Night Changed everything", where Kevin spoke to Woody about his experiences, as well as joining fellow City legend Kit Symons on the show to talk about their times with the team in the 90s and 00s.

Former midfielder Kevin said in the conversation that he didn't drink all that much during his playing days, but would binge on the nights he did go out. He married young, and he said he gave the impression to club bosses that he was a "sensible young lad", but added: "Little did they know there was an absolute lunatic in there, suppressing it".

He said it was after his playing days ended, in more recent years, when his drinking started to become a problem.

Kevin said: "If I'm honest, I probably struggled when football stopped, without really knowing, and more recently my marriage broke down, my mum passed away, it's been difficult, I probably didn't deal with it the right way. I ended up going to rehab which saved my life in all honesty."

He went on to share that in the lead up to intervention, his feelings became so dark that he thought about ending his life.

He said: "I got into a bad place, financially struggling, struggling with the drink, drugs got involved, and I didn't want to be here anymore, that's as deep as it gets. I actually didn't know where I fit in the world.

"I had a really good career and I struggled with that coming to an end, I was probably lonely, sad, all those emotions. I went to the depths where I was considering ending it. I feel embarrassed saying that a little bit because it is probably selfish, I've got so much to live for, five kids, nine grandchildren, but I couldn't see a way out. "

He detailed harrowing nights when he had considered ending it all, and a night when family and friends called police to try and find him, so worried were they that he was about to harm himself.

He said: "I knew I was struggling, financially I was in a real hole, I was in a rented house I had to be out of, I was there with my lad, he was 16 at the time. I have so much remorse and guilt that I'd let people down. I remember sitting in this room with air beds, didn't have much money left, what I had I tried to gamble to win more, I wanted him to stay with me, but I lost everything. I just drank, drugs, I think I sent a message to my kids apologising for everything. I don't know if I had intention of ending it then.

"I kissed him on the head, I said I'm really sorry I can't look after you, your mum is going to have to come and get you. I left the house, I was drinking, I was walking to a car park close to my house, I was drinking beer, my phone was ringing, police were calling me I was telling them to f*** off. I was in a bad way. They then sent a helicopter out to find me, I was ducking and diving in bushes, people were ringing me. That's the crazy thing, I just normalised it, I didn't think I was doing anything wrong, my mind was gone.

"I was paranoid the police were going to find me. Eventually I rang them up, they got me in a car, they spoke to me, my new partner was there, my sister, my brother, my assistant manager, a player, his dad, I thought they were all meeting me to go for a beer. I just didn't see any way out of the situation I was in. I didn't see any light at the end of the tunnel. I didn't want to share how I was feeling, it was like self-harming in a way, drinking to get out of how I was feeling, how my life was. Which then led on to the way I was behaving it wasn't good, I've hurt a lot of people."

He would eventually receive a fateful call from former Man City team-mate Jeff Whitley which would get him onto the road to recovery with the mental health and addiction support service for sportspeople, Sporting Chance. He said at first he tried to deny he had a problem, but now can see that call was "the best thing that ever happened to me".

He said: "That phone call, it saved me. Jeff arranged for me to go into Sporting Chance and it was unbelievable for me. I was ready to open up and try to get better, I feel good now."

He confirmed on the show that he's now been clean for a year, six months and 24 days. "I feel so much better," he said.

He said: "As an addict you become so selfish, you lie about everything, you're self-centred. Coming out of rehab I now want to help people. That's something that I want to do. I do a thing called sporting memories, aimed at people with early onset dementia and loneliness, I love it, they're like my mates. I try to create an environment where they can talk. I've gone in and told them everything. I've lived in my car for two weeks, I had nothing, I've been on my arse.

"When I first came out of rehab, I told people I'd been in rehab - it's what happened, that's my truth, it's my story, I want to use it as strength to help other people. I'm in a really good place now, I'm happy, I still have issues of course, but I can deal with it in the right way, I see that as a strength, not a negative.

"It was a dark, dark place I went to, but by being honest, if it can help one person, then I'm happy with that."

You can hear the full interview on Woody Unscripted on Youtube now.